homework ..my way to madness

I often wonder why are not moms running back and forward on the street screaming for help! I  have days and nights..Like this one, when i feel like i AM GOING CRAZY! Doing home work with them it is a nightmare!  It really is. I never finish giving  an answer to one that the next one in line gets pissed off at me saying i help the other one more! I get mad, send them to do it alone, a half of hour later they’ve done nothing, i find them talking or playing and when you ask them, they simply tell you they don;t know. So here i go again getting my pacience together and start new. When a bit of progress is made the older one comes saying:” I really need your help to study for this, what notes should I take?”Seriosly?? “Yes, dad said that if i come and ask for help you will not say no”.

Sure..give me the book! He is just in the 7th grade, he didnt have years and years of mom explainning how to take notes and study ..!!!!!??? I take the pen and make signs for him on the book.All others are just waiting.

3 hours later we are still doing home work and while i hear the oldest throwing a ball in the walls of his room upstairs, i really feel like i want to cry.

If i dear to get mad and scream i get my loving kids to tell me :”you are ugly!” “you dont want to help!” They don’t want help, they want me to do it and i will happy if that will help them to understand and make the next one on their own..

While doing this I am suppose to make the dinner, the lunch bags for tomorrow, the laundry , make time for their showers and at least a cartoon or my peace is gone for the night and will take me 2 hours just to put them to bed.

So i wonder..how come the streets are not full of crazy mom running around??
I think that maybe they are just like me, thinking that is just a matter of patience and being some times more tired then others. Also they must be thinking that they will be alone on the street..Lol! is not true! i will be there..:) If i am not there , I am already in a mad people house! Anyways..good thoughts everyone.I am going to pray for me and for the ones like me, that once in a while have their angels transforming into little monsters …

te duci…

Ma agat de mine..caut sa ma impiedic sau sa impiedic plecarea ta. Ochii tai sunt tristi iar eu nici macar nu-i pot privi. Vreau sa te mangai dar incepi sa plangi. Vrei sa pleci dar nu vrei sa ma lasi in urma… Vreau sa plang dar nu pot, trebuie  sa te fac sa crezi si sa vezi cum nu sunt motive de plans. Desi sunt.. esti tu , partea din inima mea, rupta, sfaramata.Pleci taticule si eu nu stiu cand o… sa te mai vad. Mi-e teama si ma rog sa vrei sa lupti ca tu nu vrei. Sunt suparata si as vea sa tip la tine pentru ca eu vreau sa lupti, vreau sa lupti pentru mine pentru ca eu nu stiu sa traiesc fara tine si nici nu veau sa invat. Imi lipseste acum ca niciodata capacitatea de a intelege, nu  vreau sa inteleg  de ce, nici nu vreau ca ceilalti sa-mi explice, vreau doar sa plang dar inca nu pot. Am gasit solutii pentru tot in viata.Acum..eu nu am o solutie si innebunesc de durere. Dumnezeule daca esti acolo fa-l bine te rog, da-i dorinta de lupta, da-i dorinta inimii sa vrea, sa poata, sa-l pot aduce langa mine din nou.M-am rugat atat de mult, m-am rugat in mii de feluri, am gandit atat de mult si am cautat in fiecare colt al mintii mele , ca sa inteleg, ca sa pot, ca sa stiu sa iau lucrurile cum sunt, sa iau viata cum e..dar nu pot. Nu vreau. Nu inca. Pentru prietenii mei care inca isi au parintii sanatosi si in putere, nu va suparati pe ei, nu-i judecati. Intr-o clipa  pot sa nu mai fie sau sa fie doar jumatate din ce-au fost..o sa va fie atat de dor..Aveti grija de parintii vostri asa cum au avut si ei grija de voi cand erati mici , and ati crescut mai mari..Buni ,rai sun tai nostri..suntem ai lor. Cand ajung asa cum taticul meu e tot ce au pe lumea asta suntem noi, copiii lor.

You are leaving..

I cling on to me .. I’m trying to hinder your departure. Your eyes are sad and I cannot even look into them. I want to hug you but you will start crying. You want to leave but  not to leave me behind … I want to cry but cannot, not yet.  I have to make you think and see that is  no reason to cry. Although there is .. you, part of my heart, broken, crushed. You are leaving daddy and I do not know… when I ll  see you again. I fear  the future and pray that you will learn  to fight. I’m mad and I want  yell at you  because I want you  to fight, fight for me,  because I do not know how to live without you, nor want to learn. I don’t have  now the ability  to understand, don’t  understand and I don’t want  others  to explain  me, I just want to cry but can’t,  not yet. I found solutions to everything in life. Now… I don’t t have a solution and it kills me. GOD, if you’re there, please make him well, give him the desire to fight, give him his heart back so he loves life again, help him please…so I can bring him with me again. I have prayed so much, I asked in a thousand ways, I think so much and I searched every corner of my mind, to understand, to be able, to know how to take things as they are, to take life how it is,  but I can’t. Just can’t.  Not yet. For all of my friends who still have their parents in health and strength, do not mind them, do not judge them. One moment..one second and they are gone or   they are just half of what they were .. They will be so missed .. Take care of your parents as they take care of you when you were little, and maybe still after you grew up.. Good or bad we are their blood and flash, they are ours! When they get old and helpless as  as my father  all they  have in this world is you, their  children.